Now that you have a wiggly and wild toddler, hitting the road for a quick weekend getaway might sound like less of a vacation and more like "enhanced interrogation techniques". For some toddlers a ride in the car is no big deal, while for others, even ten minutes is a struggle. But any child who has to remain in their car seat for more than an hour or two will most likely be pretty unhappy about it. Hopefully these tips will give you a few ideas for things you can do to keep your little back seat screamer from losing his patience.
1. Pack a small toy box behind the driver's seat.
While the box needs to be small to fit behind the driver's seat, the toys in it can be pretty big. Interactive toys like a xylophone, a see-n-say, or any one of the Leap Frog brand toys are great for travelling with. Smaller toys are good too, but they should be softer. If your little fuzzy-bunny suddenly throws a fit, you don't want her to also throw a small hard object inside the car. Though she may not be able to cause any real damage to anything herself, the distraction to the driver is potentially serious. Some soft small toys that are good for travel are Beanie Babies, finger puppets and cloth books.
2. Bring some gum.
One of the first things I think of when I think of chewing gum is how my mother would always tell me that my teeth would rot if I had it too often. Turns out that though my mom was right back then, times have changed. Now it is actually recommended that you have your children chew sugar free gum with xylitol a few times a day to fight cavities! Also, as you drive up and down mountains your toddler's ears might need help to relieve the pressure from altitude changes and chewing gum is great for that. If your little caterpillar thinks that he is getting a special treat, all the better. Just be sure to cover your car's seat cushions with towels or blankets if your toddler is not used to chewing gum.
3. Bring music and headphones.
If you have any type of mp3 player be sure to download a few fun songs for your funky little chicken to groove to while you roll on down the road. Since you might have a different taste in music than your little one, bringing earphones can be a great relief. Your toddler will probably think they are way cool, and enjoy putting them on and taking them off several times before settling down to listen. This should buy you a good chunk of time to relax and enjoy the scenery.
4. Make a schedule of stops.
One of the worst hazards of road trips for toddlers is diaper rashes. If your toddler makes a mess in his pants and sits in it for even 10 to 15 minutes it can result in a much worse rash than normal. Taking a rest stop every 2 to 3 hours to change your little poopers poopies is a great idea. Since it can be easy to lose track of time when you are on the road, planning where you are going to stop before you leave will help keep you on a good schedule.
5. Have special labor-intensive snacks on hand.
My favorite versions of the labor intensive snacks are food necklaces. Froot loops, popcorn and Cheerios are easy to thread onto a length of string and hang around you little muncher's neck. I only recommend this type of snack for times when you will be able to closely supervise your toddler, because if left unsupervised, even a simple snack necklace could be a hazard for your child. If you are uncomfortable with placing the snack necklace around your toddlers neck, you can also tie it around one of your little piranha's car seat straps. Other fairly tricky snacks are a box of raisins, jello in a Ziploc bag with a small hole cut in the corner for your toddler to squeeze the treat out and sugar free lollipops.
Trick: Iphone toddler games.
One more little trick you can use if you have an Iphone, is to download a free toddler game like "memory" or a simple vocabulary "touch the picture" game. These games can captivate your little passenger's attention for quite a long time. The only problems are, you might want to be playing a game on there yourself, and your toddler could mess up your phone if you don't keep an eye on him.
Having a successful road trip with your little adventurer is not really all that hard for most families. Starting off with a plan, and lots of strategies for helping your little buddy stay occupied is key. Don't forget to bring several sippy cups with water in them for hydration, and a blanket for propping up your toddlers head if she falls asleep. If you have found these tips helpful, please forward them to other parents of toddlers that you know. Questions, comments and suggestions are always welcome. Happy parenting!
Showing posts with label toddlers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toddlers. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Toddler Tuesday: 5 tips for your first steps in discipline.
Telling your baby "no"is kind of hard the first few times, but as time goes on and your little rebel begins finding more and more ways to get your heart rate up, it hardly seems sufficient. When the day comes that you tell your little mongoose "no" and he responds by looking right at you while he does it anyway, the time has come for discipline. The word discipline can conjure up some pretty nasty memories for some folks, so let me be clear, I do not in any way, ever, for any reason advocate physical violence against children, including spanking or any other form of corporal punishment. Discipline does not have to be mean or rough, it simply needs to be consistent, age (and developmentally) appropriate and clear. As your children get older your own unique forms of discipline will develop naturally from the discipline you established early on. The following are a few tips for creating a stable foundation for discipline.
1. Pick 3 or 4 easily enforceable rules to start.
To make sure your little sugar bun is able to grasp this new concept of "rules", don't overwhelm her. Pick a few very important or common things that you are having some behavior issues around. Then word your rules regarding those few things in easy to remember rhymes. Some examples might be: "The food stays on your tray, or I'll take it away.", "Share your toys, at least one, or these toys are all done." and "If you touch trash, we have to give your hands a wash". The reason to have the rules rhyme is to differentiate them from normal language, so your toddler can easily recognize them. This also keeps things that are rules clarified from normal "yes" and "no" directions or guidance. As time goes on and you need to add more official rules to the list, you don't need to use rhymes, but expressing the new rule clearly will help your child know what is expected of them.
2. Always identify the consequence with the rule.
If possible, try to include the consequence for breaking a rule as part of the original rhyme. This will assist your toddler in relating the cause and effect principle to their own actions. If the whole rhyming thing makes you feel silly, using a nice rhythm is nearly as effective. You might try something like: "If paper goes in your mouth it goes in the trash" and "Throwing your toys makes them go away".
3. Dangerous things are more serious.
For some things you need to really get your little pupil's attention. Things like touching the oven, or poking things into outlets, are dangerous behaviors, and need something more than words to help your toddler remember why she shouldn't do them. When your little chef reaches for the knobs on the front of the stove, in an authoritative and slightly loud voice say "No! Dangerous!". Then flip your finger against the fingertips of your little one just before you grab her hands to lead her away. The flipping of the fingertips creates a sharp sudden discomfort that goes away quickly. This discomfort will be associated both with the stove and with the words "no" and "dangerous", which will help curb the behavior more quickly next time. Eventually, you will be able to tell your child that something is dangerous, and they will avoid it on their own.
4. Tone of voice.
It is very important that you do not engage in games with your little clown while trying to enforce discipline. If you use a playful friendly voice when you tell your toddler to stop throwing cereal on the floor, chances are that the activity will be recognized as a game, and even more cereal will get thrown to the floor. Think of the tone of voice that a police officer has, no-nonsense, firm and serious, this is the perfect tone of voice to use when reminding your little bib decorator about the rules. No need to shout or raise your voice, a clear definitive recitation of the rule, followed by immediate enforcement, is all that it takes to get the message across. You don't need to act "mad" or "cross" with your toddler, as a matter of fact if the enforcement of the rule makes him cry, you can immediately comfort and snuggle him, just do not apologize for enforcing the rule. It is important that your toddler sees you as being just as subject to the rules as he is. If you apologize, you will be identifying yourself as the cause for the loss of the toy instead of reinforcing that it was the actions of your toddler that lead to the toy being gone. Take a moment while comforting your little snoopy to re-tell the story of how the consequence happened, and be sure to lay full blame on the actions that your toddler chose, not on you, and not on your toddler, squarely on the choice of actions.
5. Remove attention from bad behavior.
Since you will no doubt have many more rules than 3 or 4 that you would like to implement, a good tool to discourage undesirable behavior that you don't have a rule for yet is to express a kind of disappointed lack of interest when your little bug-catcher acts out. For example, if your toddler throws her cup on the floor during lunch, don't look surprised and make a game out of it. Look down slowly, then let your eyes wander away from your toddler while muttering something like "that's too bad, guess you're not thirsty." This lack of reaction will bore your toddler quickly, and they will move on to fun activities that get a big giggle out of mommy, like taking a big bite or holding their spoon just right. You can replace the dropped sippy cup when your little lunch-muncher is not paying attention.
Trick: Model discipline behaviors with toys.
While playing with your toddler on the floor, take some time to act out some social scenarios with a couple of the stuffed animals, including breaking rules and obeying them. Giving your toddler a physical visual reference for what will happen if a rule is broken will help them anticipate consequences and make choices that have a more desirable outcome.
Trick: Positive feedback.
This is probably the hardest skill to develop for effectively disciplining your toddlers. The fact is that when they are behaving, we just don't notice them as much. It is very important that you make a concerted effort to identify, point out and celebrate the times when your toddler is faced with the choice of obeying a rule or disobeying it, and he chooses obedience. Over time you will not have to be as aware and engaged in your child's choices all the time, but at the outset, it will make learning the concept of following rules, and making smart choices, easier to grasp.
Beginning the disciplining process with your little star is never going to be easy, but if you start early, at around 12 or 18 months, not only will the twos go a bit more smoothly, but you will have a solid foundation on which to base future rules. Toddlers are bright and will catch on pretty quick to the way things really work, so if you are having trouble maintaining discipline, take a hard look at how you are implementing the new rules, and especially your tone of voice. Chances are, with a few tweaks, you will be able to convince your little bunny that you mean business, and the behavior problems will melt away. If you have found these tips to be helpful, please forward them to any parents of toddlers you might know. Questions, comments and suggestions* are always welcome. Happy parenting.
*This topic was suggested by @katrinayellow, follow her on twitter. She is a great resource for breast feeding information!
1. Pick 3 or 4 easily enforceable rules to start.
To make sure your little sugar bun is able to grasp this new concept of "rules", don't overwhelm her. Pick a few very important or common things that you are having some behavior issues around. Then word your rules regarding those few things in easy to remember rhymes. Some examples might be: "The food stays on your tray, or I'll take it away.", "Share your toys, at least one, or these toys are all done." and "If you touch trash, we have to give your hands a wash". The reason to have the rules rhyme is to differentiate them from normal language, so your toddler can easily recognize them. This also keeps things that are rules clarified from normal "yes" and "no" directions or guidance. As time goes on and you need to add more official rules to the list, you don't need to use rhymes, but expressing the new rule clearly will help your child know what is expected of them.
2. Always identify the consequence with the rule.
If possible, try to include the consequence for breaking a rule as part of the original rhyme. This will assist your toddler in relating the cause and effect principle to their own actions. If the whole rhyming thing makes you feel silly, using a nice rhythm is nearly as effective. You might try something like: "If paper goes in your mouth it goes in the trash" and "Throwing your toys makes them go away".
3. Dangerous things are more serious.
For some things you need to really get your little pupil's attention. Things like touching the oven, or poking things into outlets, are dangerous behaviors, and need something more than words to help your toddler remember why she shouldn't do them. When your little chef reaches for the knobs on the front of the stove, in an authoritative and slightly loud voice say "No! Dangerous!". Then flip your finger against the fingertips of your little one just before you grab her hands to lead her away. The flipping of the fingertips creates a sharp sudden discomfort that goes away quickly. This discomfort will be associated both with the stove and with the words "no" and "dangerous", which will help curb the behavior more quickly next time. Eventually, you will be able to tell your child that something is dangerous, and they will avoid it on their own.
4. Tone of voice.
It is very important that you do not engage in games with your little clown while trying to enforce discipline. If you use a playful friendly voice when you tell your toddler to stop throwing cereal on the floor, chances are that the activity will be recognized as a game, and even more cereal will get thrown to the floor. Think of the tone of voice that a police officer has, no-nonsense, firm and serious, this is the perfect tone of voice to use when reminding your little bib decorator about the rules. No need to shout or raise your voice, a clear definitive recitation of the rule, followed by immediate enforcement, is all that it takes to get the message across. You don't need to act "mad" or "cross" with your toddler, as a matter of fact if the enforcement of the rule makes him cry, you can immediately comfort and snuggle him, just do not apologize for enforcing the rule. It is important that your toddler sees you as being just as subject to the rules as he is. If you apologize, you will be identifying yourself as the cause for the loss of the toy instead of reinforcing that it was the actions of your toddler that lead to the toy being gone. Take a moment while comforting your little snoopy to re-tell the story of how the consequence happened, and be sure to lay full blame on the actions that your toddler chose, not on you, and not on your toddler, squarely on the choice of actions.
5. Remove attention from bad behavior.
Since you will no doubt have many more rules than 3 or 4 that you would like to implement, a good tool to discourage undesirable behavior that you don't have a rule for yet is to express a kind of disappointed lack of interest when your little bug-catcher acts out. For example, if your toddler throws her cup on the floor during lunch, don't look surprised and make a game out of it. Look down slowly, then let your eyes wander away from your toddler while muttering something like "that's too bad, guess you're not thirsty." This lack of reaction will bore your toddler quickly, and they will move on to fun activities that get a big giggle out of mommy, like taking a big bite or holding their spoon just right. You can replace the dropped sippy cup when your little lunch-muncher is not paying attention.
Trick: Model discipline behaviors with toys.
While playing with your toddler on the floor, take some time to act out some social scenarios with a couple of the stuffed animals, including breaking rules and obeying them. Giving your toddler a physical visual reference for what will happen if a rule is broken will help them anticipate consequences and make choices that have a more desirable outcome.
Trick: Positive feedback.
This is probably the hardest skill to develop for effectively disciplining your toddlers. The fact is that when they are behaving, we just don't notice them as much. It is very important that you make a concerted effort to identify, point out and celebrate the times when your toddler is faced with the choice of obeying a rule or disobeying it, and he chooses obedience. Over time you will not have to be as aware and engaged in your child's choices all the time, but at the outset, it will make learning the concept of following rules, and making smart choices, easier to grasp.
Beginning the disciplining process with your little star is never going to be easy, but if you start early, at around 12 or 18 months, not only will the twos go a bit more smoothly, but you will have a solid foundation on which to base future rules. Toddlers are bright and will catch on pretty quick to the way things really work, so if you are having trouble maintaining discipline, take a hard look at how you are implementing the new rules, and especially your tone of voice. Chances are, with a few tweaks, you will be able to convince your little bunny that you mean business, and the behavior problems will melt away. If you have found these tips to be helpful, please forward them to any parents of toddlers you might know. Questions, comments and suggestions* are always welcome. Happy parenting.
*This topic was suggested by @katrinayellow, follow her on twitter. She is a great resource for breast feeding information!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Toddler Tuesday: 5 tips for toning down tantrums.
Why do children whine, cry and throw tantrums? Is it only because of their age, like a developmental gauntlet that they must put us parents through to be sure we will survive their teenage years? Perhaps, but I don't think so. It has often been put forward that toddlers throw tantrums because they WORK, I don't know about that either. Most of the children I have worked with over the years have certainly had times that they used the tantrum as a way to motivate parents to give them what they wanted, but more often it seemed to be more of an emotional outlet. One that they use to express everything from pain & disappointment to sadness & anger, but most of all, frustration. Imagine, you are old enough to know what you want, but not old enough to understand why your mom doesn't give it to you, or why it hurts when you bang your head, or why the boy at the park keeps taking your toy. The overwhelming onslaught of emotion could be quite overwhelming to you! I kind of think of toddlers as robots in a sci-fi show who have just received their emotion chip, and are having short circuits while figuring out the appropriate way to channel their new feelings. Even though there is no sure fire way to help your little howler monkey get through this difficult stage, I have five tips that might help smooth the process a little.
1. Be incapable of understanding whining.
Because your little one probably does understand that they have the power to communicate now, if whining gets in the way of you hearing them, they will tend to rephrase their request in a less whiny voice. Be careful, responding even one time to whining can make it more difficult for your toddler to believe that you cannot understand them, and if they become frustrated, it may make their impending tantrum worse. Also, though it is tempting to make a game out of not understanding your little giggle-bug's whines, this can lead to hours of whiny play, which might lead to YOU throwing a tantrum. It is best if you pretend that whining is a language that you just don't speak, and which doesn't interest you all that much (focusing attention on a toddler while they are whining can be interpreted as a reward for that behavior). If your toddler believes you, they will drop the whining in favor of a more effective form of communication.
5. Give in sooner.
Did you hear me right? Yes you did, I said "give in sooner", and I meant it. Actually, try to give in BEFORE there is a problem. When your two year old asks for something that you want to say "no" to ask your self first "why not"? Since you might end up giving in after a big tantrum anyway, be extra sure that your "no" is a reasonable one to begin with. So your funny bunny wants a lemon drop and it is an hour before lunch, is it really all that bad if you say yes? What if she doesn't want to share her new truck at the park? Is today the one time when she will learn the importance of sharing or will it just reinforce to her why she doesn't want to share if she is forced to? I guess what I am saying is, have the fight with yourself first, and if it is important enough to have a tantrum over, go ahead with your first response but be ready to defend your position no matter what. It won't help anything if you take a stand only to fold after 15 minutes of screaming, anyone can see that the lesson learned in this instance is very counter-productive to teaching your toddler better ways to express her emotions. This strategy is an old tried and true one, my grandma called it "choosing your battles".
I don't think there is any absolute solution that will prevent every tantrum, if there is I haven't found it yet. But tantrums don't have to last forever, with a little understanding and strategy they can be shorter and fewer in number. I know that for myself I still throw little tantrums from time to time, and they are almost all based in a feeling of being out of control and the frustration that comes from being misunderstood. I think about that when I see my son scrunch up his eyes and stick out that adorable bottom lip. Keeping a broader perspective helps me not to take things personally, and that helps us both get over the tantrum faster. I hope if you find these tips helpful you will forward them to any new or expecting parents, or parents of toddlers you know. Questions and comments are always welcome. Happy parenting!
1. Be incapable of understanding whining.
Because your little one probably does understand that they have the power to communicate now, if whining gets in the way of you hearing them, they will tend to rephrase their request in a less whiny voice. Be careful, responding even one time to whining can make it more difficult for your toddler to believe that you cannot understand them, and if they become frustrated, it may make their impending tantrum worse. Also, though it is tempting to make a game out of not understanding your little giggle-bug's whines, this can lead to hours of whiny play, which might lead to YOU throwing a tantrum. It is best if you pretend that whining is a language that you just don't speak, and which doesn't interest you all that much (focusing attention on a toddler while they are whining can be interpreted as a reward for that behavior). If your toddler believes you, they will drop the whining in favor of a more effective form of communication.
2. Respond to crying by offering physical comfort.
When your sweet little sugar tart starts screaming and crying on her belly in the middle of the grocery store, the best response is to pick her up and give her some cuddle time. If the tantrum is an angry one, chances are this will not be something she wants and can make things worse, but at least no one will call the authorities on you. For most tantrums this response will work fairly well, especially if you are consistent. What you are teaching your toddler with this type of response is that screaming and crying are an appropriate way to ask for hugs and kisses, and that is all they are likely to receive when they engage in those behaviors. It's also a good way to keep your own frustration and anger in check.3. "Translate" your child's emotions for them.
Since we can often tell that the reason our little Donald Duck has blown his stack is from frustration or another powerful emotion, it is a useful technique to use language to narrate your toddlers episode. For example: "You sure are angry! When I'm angry I like to stomp my feet(or whatever you do) like this (make a big show of illustrating what you do when you are angry). When dogs are angry they bark like this (make a big barking sound). When gorillas are angry they beat their chest like this..." etc. You can do this type of modeling and translation for your toddler with any of the emotions that you think are the underlying reason for the tantrum. Keep in mind that although frustration is most often the final reason things escalate to tantrum status, disappointment, embarrassment and anxiety are common underlying emotions that lead to the frustration as well.4. Distract, redirect & change the subject like crazy.
It won't take too long before you are so familiar with your baby's moods that you can see a tantrum coming. Right then is the time to change the subject! Maybe you just remembered a half-stick of gum in your purse that you toddler could have a taste of, or you could burst into your little one's favorite rhyme or song. You could ask your little Einstein some questions about the things around you, or start a quick game of I-Spy. Whatever you do, steer clear of the sensitive topic. If all else fails, a tickle war will usually drive the blues away before they can arrive. It is a lot of work to drop everything and focus on your toddler, but it is a lot more work to drag a limp, screaming little banshee around town with you while you are trying to finish your errands.5. Give in sooner.
Did you hear me right? Yes you did, I said "give in sooner", and I meant it. Actually, try to give in BEFORE there is a problem. When your two year old asks for something that you want to say "no" to ask your self first "why not"? Since you might end up giving in after a big tantrum anyway, be extra sure that your "no" is a reasonable one to begin with. So your funny bunny wants a lemon drop and it is an hour before lunch, is it really all that bad if you say yes? What if she doesn't want to share her new truck at the park? Is today the one time when she will learn the importance of sharing or will it just reinforce to her why she doesn't want to share if she is forced to? I guess what I am saying is, have the fight with yourself first, and if it is important enough to have a tantrum over, go ahead with your first response but be ready to defend your position no matter what. It won't help anything if you take a stand only to fold after 15 minutes of screaming, anyone can see that the lesson learned in this instance is very counter-productive to teaching your toddler better ways to express her emotions. This strategy is an old tried and true one, my grandma called it "choosing your battles".
I don't think there is any absolute solution that will prevent every tantrum, if there is I haven't found it yet. But tantrums don't have to last forever, with a little understanding and strategy they can be shorter and fewer in number. I know that for myself I still throw little tantrums from time to time, and they are almost all based in a feeling of being out of control and the frustration that comes from being misunderstood. I think about that when I see my son scrunch up his eyes and stick out that adorable bottom lip. Keeping a broader perspective helps me not to take things personally, and that helps us both get over the tantrum faster. I hope if you find these tips helpful you will forward them to any new or expecting parents, or parents of toddlers you know. Questions and comments are always welcome. Happy parenting!
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