5 tips for understanding baby talk.

If babies could talk they could tell their parents what they need and things would be so much easier, right? Well, maybe, but since a baby comes into this world with relatively few neural pathways and practically no activity in the language center of their brain, chances are that your baby has pretty much no idea what she needs either. For the first few months the pain that your baby feels from gas, hunger or even getting a finger pinched is very similar. They don't have an understanding of the different parts of their body yet, so when they cry at first they will usually just cry louder and higher pitched with more intense pain. There are a few sounds that your baby makes that come from naturally reacting to certain kinds of discomfort though, and becoming familiar with these will help you decipher the general meaning behind basic forms of baby talk.

1. High pitched grunts.
Quite often, just before your little squidling starts crying in earnest he will make a series of grunts that get higher in pitch each time. These will often be accompanied by kicks, turning his head back and forth and arching his back. Sometimes these actions can indicate that your baby has reflux and if they happen after every feed and result in large amounts of spit-up, you might want to have your pediatrician check for it. However, most babies will do this five or more times a day, sometimes even in their sleep, and it is merely an indication of gas. A burp, to be specific. For your baby, a burp bubble that hasn't come up yet can feel like a tightness it their chest and arching their back provides a little relief. Also, if the bubble is moving up their throat it can bring some spit-up with it when your baby turns his head back and forth it can dislodge this bubble from behind the spit up and help the burp come up. As the burp bubble moves up the esophagus pressure on his vocal chords will tighten them, making the grunts of discomfort sound higher and higher in pitch. So generally if your baby is grunting in a high pitch, try burping him.

2. Low pitched grunts.
These grunts can also be an indication of gas, just gas that is headed out of the other end. When your little princess is feeling a bowel movement coming on she will probably lean forward, stretch her legs out straight and grunt like a walrus. It is certainly not the most delicate sound you will hear her make. Quite often, parents who have their baby swaddled will misinterpret this movement and sound to mean that their baby is trying to get out of the swaddle. This is usually not the case, however if your baby shows signs of frustration (fast kicking with bouts of rhythmic crying), you could try another type of swaddle so she can wiggle a bit more. Wiggling, especially from side to side, really can help to get a bowel movement going.

3. Coos and gurgles.
Now there is absolutely nothing wrong when your baby is cooing and gurgling. These sweet little sounds are where some of the payoff for the sleepless nights and stinky diapers comes from. However, these beautiful sounds are not just cute. They are helping your little linguist figure out how his vocal chords work. The best thing you can do with your baby when you hear him chirping and blowing raspberries is to talk to him, imitate him and generally give him face time with positive feedback. Face time is hugely important all throughout your baby's first year so let yourself enjoy it as much as possible.

4. Rhythmic crying.
Rhythmic crying can best be described as "Waa waa waa waa waa waa waa!" and it is the most frustrating sound in the world for a parent to hear. When a baby cries like this parents try everything they can think of to sooth their baby, and yet the baby usually does not respond to most of it. Rhythmic crying is often caused by one of these two issues: pain and frustration. Or it could be the result of a combination of them. Most often, your baby will begin to feel a pain, like gas, hunger, diaper rash, headache or even something more serious like a bug bite or a twisted arm or leg. Then, when the remedy you offer does not relieve the pain, your baby gets frustrated and even angry. Don't worry, this anger is not directed at you, your baby does not have a concept of blame yet. Don't beat yourself up, just very methodically try to rule out any of the more serious issues that could be making your baby cry, and when you think you know what is wrong try to distract you baby from her frustration long enough for her to accept the remedy that you are offering. Good distractions for babies are: noise from a vacuum or hair-dryer, bouncing with you on a bed or exercise ball and a change of scenery, like going outside for a brisk walk around the yard. It is important that you distract your baby before you offer the remedy to their pain because while your little drama queen is in the middle of her frustration she will be too upset to cooperate.

5. High pitched, long screams.
These are rare, and they will chill your blood if you hear them. I've never met a parent yet that didn't know what this kind of cry meant. However it can scare you so bad, that you cannot think of what you should do. This type of cry means your baby is in severe pain. When you hear this kind of cry, the first thing you should do is look at your baby and his surroundings to assess what the source of the pain might be. If you don't see anything immediately that could be the cause of the pain, unwrap and undress your baby. Look for any bite marks or unusual movement . Check the diaper too. If you cannot find any surface reason that your baby is in pain, try to sooth him. If he is somewhat soothed by you but is still crying intermittently, try burping him or giving him a warm baby massage. If you did find a source for the pain when you looked at his body, depending on how serious it looks you might want to call your pediatrician for further direction. Often this kind of crying is the result of muscle cramps. Imagine the growing pains that you had when you were in your early teens, only magnified, and with no rational explanation for what is happening to you. This is why I recommend trying a warm baby massage. Gas can also lodge suddenly and painfully in your baby's abdomen, both baby massage and burping are sometimes effective at helping to relieve this kind of pain. Another thing that many parents are surprised to discover is that their baby, through wiggling and kicking on a fuzzy blanket on a carpeted floor, can get quite a shock from static electricity. To prevent this from happening, try using a humidifier. Static electricity does not build up nearly as badly in a moist atmosphere as in a dry one.

As your baby grows she will learn to tell the difference between the things she needs, and you will start to notice a difference between her various types of cries. The level of non-verbal communication between parents and their babies is really quite amazing to observe from the outside. If you have found these tips helpful, ,please forward them to any new or expecting parents you know. Questions, comments and suggestions are always welcome. Happy parenting!

Toddler Tuesday: 5 tips for toning down tantrums.

Why do children whine, cry and throw tantrums? Is it only because of their age, like a developmental gauntlet that they must put us parents through to be sure we will survive their teenage years? Perhaps, but I don't think so. It has often been put forward that toddlers throw tantrums because they WORK, I don't know about that either. Most of the children I have worked with over the years have certainly had times that they used the tantrum as a way to motivate parents to give them what they wanted, but more often it seemed to be more of an emotional outlet. One that they use to express everything from pain & disappointment to sadness & anger, but most of all, frustration. Imagine, you are old enough to know what you want, but not old enough to understand why your mom doesn't give it to you, or why it hurts when you bang your head, or why the boy at the park keeps taking your toy. The overwhelming onslaught of emotion could be quite overwhelming to you! I kind of think of toddlers as robots in a sci-fi show who have just received their emotion chip, and are having short circuits while figuring out the appropriate way to channel their new feelings. Even though there is no sure fire way to help your little howler monkey get through this difficult stage, I have five tips that might help smooth the process a little.


1. Be incapable of understanding whining.
Because your little one probably does understand that they have the power to communicate now, if whining gets in the way of you hearing them, they will tend to rephrase their request in a less whiny voice. Be careful, responding even one time to whining can make it more difficult for your toddler to believe that you cannot understand them, and if they become frustrated, it may make their impending tantrum worse. Also, though it is tempting to make a game out of not understanding your little giggle-bug's whines, this can lead to hours of whiny play, which might lead to YOU throwing a tantrum. It is best if you pretend that whining is a language that you just don't speak, and which doesn't interest you all that much (focusing attention on a toddler while they are whining can be interpreted as a reward for that behavior). If your toddler believes you, they will drop the whining in favor of a more effective form of communication.

2. Respond to crying by offering physical comfort.

When your sweet little sugar tart starts screaming and crying on her belly in the middle of the grocery store, the best response is to pick her up and give her some cuddle time. If the tantrum is an angry one, chances are this will not be something she wants and can make things worse, but at least no one will call the authorities on you. For most tantrums this response will work fairly well, especially if you are consistent. What you are teaching your toddler with this type of response is that screaming and crying are an appropriate way to ask for hugs and kisses, and that is all they are likely to receive when they engage in those behaviors. It's also a good way to keep your own frustration and anger in check.

3. "Translate" your child's emotions for them.

Since we can often tell that the reason our little Donald Duck has blown his stack is from frustration or another powerful emotion, it is a useful technique to use language to narrate your toddlers episode. For example: "You sure are angry! When I'm angry I like to stomp my feet(or whatever you do) like this (make a big show of illustrating what you do when you are angry). When dogs are angry they bark like this (make a big barking sound). When gorillas are angry they beat their chest like this..." etc. You can do this type of modeling and translation for your toddler with any of the emotions that you think are the underlying reason for the tantrum. Keep in mind that although frustration is most often the final reason things escalate to tantrum status, disappointment, embarrassment and anxiety are common underlying emotions that lead to the frustration as well.

4. Distract, redirect & change the subject like crazy.

It won't take too long before you are so familiar with your baby's moods that you can see a tantrum coming. Right then is the time to change the subject! Maybe you just remembered a half-stick of gum in your purse that you toddler could have a taste of, or you could burst into your little one's favorite rhyme or song. You could ask your little Einstein some questions about the things around you, or start a quick game of I-Spy. Whatever you do, steer clear of the sensitive topic. If all else fails, a tickle war will usually drive the blues away before they can arrive. It is a lot of work to drop everything and focus on your toddler, but it is a lot more work to drag a limp, screaming little banshee around town with you while you are trying to finish your errands.

5. Give in sooner.
Did you hear me right? Yes you did, I said "give in sooner", and I meant it. Actually, try to give in BEFORE there is a problem. When your two year old asks for something that you want to say "no" to ask your self first "why not"? Since you might end up giving in after a big tantrum anyway, be extra sure that your "no" is a reasonable one to begin with. So your funny bunny wants a lemon drop and it is an hour before lunch, is it really all that bad if you say yes? What if she doesn't want to share her new truck at the park? Is today the one time when she will learn the importance of sharing or will it just reinforce to her why she doesn't want to share if she is forced to? I guess what I am saying is, have the fight with yourself first, and if it is important enough to have a tantrum over, go ahead with your first response but be ready to defend your position no matter what. It won't help anything if you take a stand only to fold after 15 minutes of screaming, anyone can see that the lesson learned in this instance is very counter-productive to teaching your toddler better ways to express her emotions. This strategy is an old tried and true one, my grandma called it "choosing your battles".

I don't think there is any absolute solution that will prevent every tantrum, if there is I haven't found it yet. But tantrums don't have to last forever, with a little understanding and strategy they can be shorter and fewer in number. I know that for myself I still throw little tantrums from time to time, and they are almost all based in a feeling of being out of control and the frustration that comes from being misunderstood. I think about that when I see my son scrunch up his eyes and stick out that adorable bottom lip. Keeping a broader perspective helps me not to take things personally, and that helps us both get over the tantrum faster. I hope if you find these tips helpful you will forward them to any new or expecting parents, or parents of toddlers you know. Questions and comments are always welcome. Happy parenting!